I have been in an in-between season of life lately. A season of shedding and changing. Of death and rebirth. It has been a quiet season. A season of resting and reflecting. Quite the contrast to my seasons of constantly doing as I come into a season of being.
I have killed the maiden in me. The sleeping version. The warrior has hung up her tools for a while. I feel the mother emerging. The soft feminine. I am remembering. Awakening to an even deeper level. A season of pure love and simplicity beginning to come to the surface. I feel it inside of me. I am no longer afraid of my power but also not rushing to step into it. It comes when it comes. I am marinating in the process. I receive the blessings that are for me here in this season, as every season before. I am learning to be grateful for this time.
I am learning discernment of purity, passion, and darkness. I speak my truth. It is important for me to be able to discern where that truth comes from and that discernment is coming from this in between period. The silence. There is so much to be learned in the silence. It is such a sacred space that we have forgotten in our every day hustle and bustle. I am learning to see what needs to be seen. To hear what needs to be heard. And to speak what needs to be spoken. These are the lessons my guides are teaching me through this phase of life.
This has not been an easy transition for me as so much of my existence up to this point has been measured by the awards and accomplishments and accolades I have spent so much time chasing. I was recently cleaning out my office and as I went to throw out all of my awards from corporate Magen's era I just couldn't do it quite yet. I know the time is coming but for now I tucked them away in the back of the closet. Knowing they are there somehow has made the transition a little easier. There is still proof of all that I have accomplished in another lifetime there in the back of my closet as I make space for this quieter season to come into bloom.
This morning I had set my alarm clock early with intentions of getting a good workout in before spending the day writing and working on some projects as I have so much that I want to do but when the buzzer went off I rolled over and snuggled my puppy closer as I hit the snooze button. I wasn't ready yet to face the day of to-do's. I didn't want to do at all I realized. So we snuggled longer, which he absolutely loves and I had one of those lazy morning dreams of the life that I am stepping into. It was beautiful and peaceful and exactly what my heart needed after so much releasing lately. Our rest is just as important to the process as our work.
Then I made my way over to my meditation space and crawled into the lap of my creator to express my absolute did not want too's today. How I start my day has become the most important part of my day in this latest season. Every morning I use different tools that call to me to hear the messages that I need to get through that day.
Before I started I practiced a new grounding technique my friend taught me and just sat in the silence feeling the magnitude of all that I have accomplished in the last year and a half. And not one of those accomplishments can be measured by plaques or trophies or accolades of others, but they can be measured by the amount of love my heart has the capacity to hold now. By the grace and patience I have for myself as I start each new day fresh and without judgements from the day before. By the peace and tranquility that is the frequency of my life now. Not all will understand this but that is ok, it is not meant for all to understand only those who also speak that frequency will hear it.
As I opened my Bible to hear the message there I turned to the very center of my Bible. My study Bible literally lists it as the interlude. I laugh as I realize exactly where my sense of humor comes from. Then these words stuck out to me, the space between the old and new testament is barely noticeable, a turn of the page, except for 1 things: Jesus comes. To teach unconditional love, and how to find God through ourselves in this new world that was spread out. He showed people that God lives in them through the Holy Spirit once we have a relationship with God. But it is our job to build that relationship on our terms and with our own unique language with our Creator. The rules don't matter, except for one: the rule of unconditional love.
To understand this further one must understand the setting of this time. The problem of religious law versus the words of God began during this time of exile because the Jews began to go to the local synagogues instead of the temple due to them being spread out across the Persian empire (539-336 BC). There were few prophets during this time compared the old testament so people were relying on the religious laws made by the religious leaders (precursors to Pharisees). The same religious leaders that would later crucify Jesus because he did not fit their religious rhetoric or ideas.
Another problem was the strife between the Jewish and Samaritans way of worship. The Samaritans sprinkled in Pagan worship with the worship of the one true God, Yaweh. What God spoke to me here is that the Samaritans were forgetting that there was the one true God and getting lost in the worship of the idols, and even of themselves, but not to forget that Jesus spoke to the Samaritans even though he did come for the Jews.
This conflict and strife occurred because of the way they worshipped. Who was right and who was wrong? This duality of black and white, right and wrong, this or that. But Jesus came to show that God is love. Period. Fear and fighting over who is right or wrong is not Godly. God made each of us with our own talents and gifts. As long as we humble ourselves to the knowledge that we were created to be uniquely us with our own unique way of communicating with The Divine and have our own intimate relationship with our creator it is no one else's place to judge said relationship. It is when we worship other things, ourselves included, above the creator that problems arise.
This is what Jesus came to teach us. Love is love. And our job is to love people exactly where they are at, for their unique art, while creating our own and looking to the higher power through the frequency of love through the whole process. This is our daily practice. This is our job. This is our sacrifice. It is in the doing, not the outcome, that the art is created. "Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone."
My relationship and the tools I use to connect with The Divine are no one else's business but my own. This keeps the intimacy and the magic alive. I share things when I am called to show others it is OK to do things differently, as long as one is following their heart and staying on the frequency of unconditional love. It is each of our responsibility, in fact, to build our own relationship with The Divine, however that feels right in our heart, in love, while rejecting fear.
I am humble enough to know that I do not know it all but wise enough to know I know exactly what I need to know. But that wisdom came with hard work. With trial and error. With many "mistakes" and hard lessons learned. Because wisdom comes from living and believing and asking and receiving and trusting in the path we are walking even when we can't see where it is going. My wisdom comes from my relationship with God and not from laws or norms created by another's relationship with God.
Next I turned to the Bhagavdad Gita pages 210-214 and the message I received through this sections was in alignment to this same message. Neither are humans totally in control nor God totally in control. It is both. Because of the nature of creation itself. Because God is in every piece of creation. This is the key to understanding knowledge. And understanding the difference in purity, passion, and darkness as well as the elements of each kind of knowledge. All are important and need to be witnessed to be understood so that we can then discern the knowledge and use it wisely. To be aligned both fully God and fully human.
God created us in His image. God is in every piece of creation, this is the nature of creation. Every piece of us was formed with His hands in our mother's womb. Why should we hide or run away from, in fear, any of those pieces? Why should we hide what doesn't fit into religious laws' "norms"? Who made those "norms"? Are these "norms" still relevant as the world is changing at a such a rapid pace? What about the fact that divining tools were all used in the old testament? The problem did occur when people began to worship the tools themselves instead of the God who made the tools, true, but the tools themselves are not evil. The intention is what matters. And when one's intention is to deepen the relationship bond between themselves and The Creator in love there are no wrong answers. If one falls off the path in pure honest mistake one will be shown the error in their ways, trust me I have experienced this.
The key is to humble oneself daily in meditation and prayer. To ask for guidance and to be open to receive. To understand that we are part of God himself in as much as that we are human. In that the answer is both. Duality is a thing of the past. We need the dark as much as we need the light. Even fear was made from love. God created "The Devil". The answer is always more love. If we haven't got to love yet we haven't found the answer.
These are the lessons I am learning in this season of my life. The seeds that I am planting to grow through the next season. That the only thing that matters is pure, unconditional love. And that presence is love. So staying present in every moment of my life while being grateful for that presence is how I stay on the frequency of love, the frequency that my Creator speaks to me on. So that I am both in the world and in the presence of God in every moment of my life. And to not judge myself when I fall from this frequency, but instead to witness to learn from that mis-step and adjust for the future. These are the lessons I am learning as I step into the season of the mother and say goodbye to the maiden while I thank her for all that she has done to get me here.
I am grateful. I am present. I am changing. I am love. Aho.