Lately I have been learning a very hard lesson: that my brain and my heart don't always see eye to eye and leave me feeling stuck in the middle.
I had to grow up early. I met my first Soul mate at a young age. The first person I could be utterly seen by and be completely me. She was my very best friend and confidant. My chosen sister. By the time I was 11 she had died of a brain tumor that slowly took control of her body. We only had a few years together but it was the years I felt most alive for a long time.
After Natalie died I withdrew from the world. I barely spoke to anyone and when I did try to make friends they turned out to be vultures or just mean people (to be fair this was probably a lot of my own wounding and trauma I was attracting being on the fear based vibration I was on). I was searching for the love I had had in all of the wrong people, craving to just be seen or heard so I wound up broken hearted a lot.
I could tell you horror stories of all the boys making pig noises at me when I walked into class or the mean girls that pretended to be my friends just to torture me at slumber parties and tell my secrets to the world but none of that is really important now except for the fact that my heart became so battered and bruised that I gave up on other people. My brain stood up and said "look here heart, you tried and look where it keeps getting us, bloodied and bruised and broken into a million pieces. It's my turn to drive this boat for a while."
So my brain took over. I hid behind my intellect. I became a pro at reading a room and becoming whatever anyone needed me to be in order to be the life of the party or to make friends. But the truth was I was just wearing masks to survive. As I started dating this trend became even worse and the few people I did let in would hurt me all over again giving my brain more power to build even bigger walls around my heart. I could logic my way through any situation and be what I needed to survive.
The key word there is survive. I was surviving, not thriving. I was stuck at a glass ceiling made by my brain for my own protection. That is thing the about living in a fear based mindset though, fear limits while love expands. My heart was slowing dying and my expansion of my human experience was limited because I would only let myself be seen in as much as I thought I would be accepted and "normal."
That's the thing though, none of us came here to be "normal." How fun would that be if we were all walking around like robots on copy and paste? We were made to be uniquely us. We all have strengths and weaknesses that make us special. You need different colors to make the best art, how boring would it be if you were limited to one neon pink marker?
True freedom in life is when we let our heart expand and live from a loved based perspective. To let our heart say, "I see you brain, and I understand your concerns, but what do we have to lose by opening up?"
This is another lesson the universe has been hitting me with lately: "love is abundant, it is from us through Source, not something we have to go looking for." And that has been my prayer lately "let me be so abundant that my cup of love flows over to everyone in my life." Because when we learn to love ourselves first and fill our own love cup no one can ever really take that from us. Yeah, they can make ugly comments or talk about us but that is more of a reflection of their own insecurity and wounding than of us.
Once we learn to love ourselves in all of our darkness and all of our light, with all of our weakness and all of our strengths, the opinions of others seem to matter less and less. Another saying I have become fond of is "it is my job to show up authentically to every situation, it is not my responsibility how the other perceives me." I give up control of how I appear to others as long as I am showing up authentically and from a place of love to every situation.
The love I have been searching for my whole life has been right here inside of me this whole time. And there is so much of it that I can give endlessly to everyone around me without running out or being hurt. So yes brain, I see your concern and we will set healthy boundaries to make sure we are not taken advantage of anymore, but in the meantime let's spread a little love around in a world that is so desperately stuck in fear. Let's show the world what magic we can create when we lead with love and tell fear there is no place for you here. I am done being limited, I am ready to live a limitless life surrounded by people who I love with every fiber of my being and who mirror that love back to me in return.
Because the greatest gift we can give another is to be truly seen and heard and loved in all of our weirdness, with all of our quirks, with all of our sharp edges and missing pieces. And we can only give that gift freely once we have learned to give it to ourselves. So step out of fear with me friends. Tell your brain it is seen and heard but let your heart drive the boat for a while. See what magic you can create in your own life.
And reach out and share your stories with me. There is a whole community of likeminded Souls that you will attract once you start radiating the vibration of love. Because love is magnetic and leads to the higher vibrations of life, that is where the real secret of the magic lies. Manifest the life of your dreams by showing the universe that you are not afraid to let love in by learning to truly love yourself.