“Sundays are for Magen.” I chuckle to myself as the thought comes to me and snuggle Cruiser a little tighter. We have been up since six this morning, well I have, he snoozed on his pillow until I was done with my meditation and prayers. He huffed and puffed his usual complaints when I made him get out of bed earlier, he remembers when Sundays would be spent in bed until at least noon if not all day.
We are snuggled on the couch now, the book “We” in my hand and mini blueberry muffins in the oven. I may or may not have made them just so I could eat the batter raw for half the mixture. Don’t tell anyone my secret.
Once we are done with our slow morning we will go to the dog park to play and then I will pick up my groceries for the week and dance around the kitchen while I meal prep to set myself up for success for the week. If we are feeling up to it we will have an evening walk around the neighborhood to end our day together watching the sunset and being grateful for the week that lies ahead of us.
Cruiser gives me one of his contented sighs. I know he likes this kind of Sunday more than what they used to look like. For a long time Saturday nights were my “going out” night. I felt I had to go out and socialize to meet people or I would die an old maid so even when I didn’t want to I would get all dressed up, find the party group that was out for the evening, and proceed to bar hop around town trying so desperately to be seen and heard. I would spend too much money and expel too much energy being the “life of the party” to blow off steam for the week.
Sunday would come and I would be so physically, mentally, and energetically exhausted that we would spend the day in bed, moving to the couch to order pizza and binge watch Netflix at some point. This was a period of my life and I honor it without judgement because there is a time and place for everything. I needed that stage too, to get to this stage. But I would start my work week all over again on Monday in those days drained and without a healthy structure for the week ahead which would lead to more eating out without meal prep in the fridge and oversleeping in the morning so I didn’t have time for myself or workouts.
Then God sent me a man that would shake things up. I remember the first time I said these words to my family. I had already started a healthier routine of not staying up all night Saturday and they had come to visit at one of the local breweries for us to have a Sunday funday. We spent a couple of hours together when I stood up and said, “Alright guys this was so fun. I love you all. I am headed out.”
They looked at me confused. I have always had a serious case of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) which would cause me to always be the last to leave any event. “And where are you going?” one of them asked. “Sundays are for Fred” I replied. I remember my brother looking at me crazy and laughing.
I barely knew this man, to be fair. To be honest I don’t think I ever knew him just the illusions and projections my subconscious projected on him because that is what I needed at the time. But he was in the hospital and I had made plans to go see him and bring him some things to cheer him up. On one of our first dates I had told him I needed Sundays to get to know him and spend time with him as we were both so busy during the weeks.
I understand now this is one of the lessons I was learning at this stage of my life. That I needed a day of rest to build my relationship with myself, and with God. That Sundays would be my day going forward and I would reserve the right to say no to the outside world. To work on my internal world on these days. This was one of the first healthy boundaries I was learning in my year of healing.
It was only a few months later that I would start attending a local sweat lodge one Sunday a month to begin to rebuild my spiritual practices with community. I still couldn’t think of God as God at this stage but I knew there was a higher power than me that was guiding my life and I was open to exploring those mysteries.
I was learning so much at this time and didn’t even realize it. I was learning the importance of a day of rest in my week to reset and work on me. To reenergize my own Spirit. To fill my own cup instead of pouring from a drained one to give to others all of the time. To buy myself the flowers of life.
I had always put everyone before myself because I thought that was necessary to be seen and loved. God was teaching me a better way to love, to fill my own cup and then share with others from that abundance.
I love my Sundays now. They are slow and intentional, filled with self care for both me and Cruiser. My friends and family know now that when I do spend time with them on Sundays it is from an abundance of rest I have gotten throughout the weekend and I am showing up because I want to be with them, not in fear of missing out on anything. I know they feel this switch because of how loving all of my relationships are now. They feel slow and intentional instead of rushed and drained.
The wall I had built around my heart to protect my inner world is wide open so that everyone in my circle can feel the free flow of love in and out. The abundance that comes from loving oneself first by creating healthy boundaries.
In truth the beginning of setting these boundaries was not easy and I ruffled a few feathers with my delivery. But now everyone in my circle understands that “Sundays are for Magen.” So that I can give from the abundance of love that I have filled my own cup with, instead of a place of lack.