This last cycle has been a tough one for sure! The last full moon in Aquarius brought all kinds of things to the surface that we needed to take a hard look at.
What are our strengths, what are our weaknesses? How do we enjoy life? What do we not enjoy? Then the new moon in Virgo came through with a punch to tell us now that we know, what are we going to do differently? What do we need to clear to make space for the life of our dreams? What emotional baggage are we hanging on to that is bringing us pain? What healthy structures do we need to start incorporating to live the life of our dreams?
I found myself in the middle of the floor holding my puppy while I cried away deep wounds that I thought I had moved away from cycles ago. I sat with my feelings to see myself fully, even the ugly parts, so that I can learn from that and move forward with that knowledge.
Last year I came across the idea that I needed to learn the art of non attachment. I started asking for this and learning this concept. Be careful what you ask for because the universe will give it to you, and the lessons are not always easy.
On this quest to non attachment the universe has called me to give up so many things that I loved. Some of the things were hard, and some of the things were HARD! Every time I thought I had learned the lesson and moved forward I would be hit with a deeper layer. Because we humans are like onions with layer after layer of emotions and shadows to wade through. And I am a stubborn woman with a stubborn ego that loves to hold on in the sneakiest of ways.
As I was processing through this deep attachment/ agreement with myself I thought about the story of Abraham and his son Isaac in the bible when God called him to sacrifice his only son. Sarah and Abraham had prayed for so long for this child and they loved him more than anything else. Can you imagine the agony, the pain, Abraham must have been on as he traveled to that mountain? The conversations he must have been having with God as he begged and pleaded for another way? But he still obeyed and trusted in God's guidance.
I believe I was having a similar conversation with God as I sat in my floor crying this week begging for another answer. I thought I was attachment free but there it was hidden under layers of illusions, this deep rooted attachment that I had. "But I have sacrificed so much God, I am so very tired, must you take this too?"
And He said "Yes child, give me this too for you do not see that it is actually a burden and blocking the blessings I want to give you. Show me your obedience again and I will show you mine."
So I did. Right there on a regular Wednesday night I gave over the one thing I wanted most in the world. That last attachment, at the root of it. And it was HARD but the relief I felt after I worked through that process and then the knowledge I gained around the emotions that were surrounding that attachment were powerful and freeing.
You see I have come to believe that the journey to non attachment leads to true freedom. By giving over the plan that we expected our life to be we are giving God the freedom to come in and give us the life we never expected. By clearing out all of the weeds and baggage we are making room for our Soul's true desires and our highest path. By giving up expectations we make room for true fulfillment.
That journey up the mountain to give our sacrifices are hard but once we learn to trust the call of our Soul we realize we are never disappointed by the Divine, in fact we are quite blessed by far more than we could ever have asked for. So go inward friends. Journey to your darkest parts and listen to what your higher power is calling for. Get rid of all of the excess so you can see the true light at the end of the tunnel.
And if your not ready to give those sacrifices yet, that is ok too. Just be aware of what you are attached to so that you understand where your blocks to true freedom lie. The secret is in the knowledge of your inner world. When it is time to act your heart will know.