Updated: Mar 12, 2022
Have you ever been so lonely? Have you ever been so lonely that you are cleaning out a closet when you found yourself on the floor in tears because a song that came on made you realize just how deep the wound was? How the years of trauma had left such a scar and the scab was so thick that you didn't even know that it was there anymore? That the years of picking at the scab and trying to just bury it and forget it was there; pushed it so far down that you had become desensitized to those emotions? What toxic coping mechanism did you pick up to numb the pain? What projections did you put on others as a result of the pain? How many relationships did you irreparably damage because of those projections?
You see, I believe we are all just mirrors reflecting our unhealed issues back at each other. And good relationships are just when two people have been through the dark shadows of the Soul together (or on their own) and see those aspects and are willing to work through them together.
Society has been telling us for years "don't be too this, don't be too that." A friend recently told me "little boys should be able to paint their nails red if they love it and little girls should be able to play with trucks" and I just love that. We should all be able to express ourselves the way it feels good for us starting in childhood. I love the way we are raising this generation. It gives me hope for our future. But, the God's honest truth is that many of us adults don't give that same grace to ourselves.
I believe that last two plus years has shown us how we can't do things anymore; what isn't working. It's also showing us new and creative ways of doing things. And there's always plenty of space to "fail," or learn ways that don't work in my vocabulary.
I believe the key to building safe spaces for honest connection through effective communication start with oneself first. I am learning to show up in GRACE for myself when one of those triggers is picked and I crumble. I sit with the emotions and honor them to their fullest. I study them an understand what they are telling me.
You see, our emotions are the compass that lead to our Higher Self, Our Intuition, You without the Ego, or the Holy Spirit's guidance. Those emotions get you to your gut. And when I am brave enough to dance with my demons to get to my angel, I feel a sense of grounding or comfort in my own skin... I call it "sitting in the pocket." When I can do that I can then learn from them instead of burying them which leads to two things.
I can have Grace for myself and Grace for the mirror of myself I see in the other; and by default Grace for the whole other.
I can learn from my "mistakes," failed attempts, and know how to respond more productively in future communication and situations. AKA learning how to navigate the rough seas of emotional communication effectively.
By giving myself a safe space to connect I can communicate my feelings more effectively and in turn give others a safe space to do the same. This is my whole foundation for the relationships we should be having in 2022. When we find people we can honestly appreciate and connect with isn't it worth the effort to grow together through the process? Even if we disagree on things can we find the things we can learn from the situation and agree to move on? Don't we owe it to ourselves to relearn ourselves so we can enjoy life on our own terms?
I tell my therapist that I've recently been having a love affair with myself. I take myself on dates, buy myself flowers, PLAY, do things that make me happy because I deserve it. We have all been through so much life I feel like. Don't we deserve some PEACE and LOVE and KINDNESS, first to ourselves and then to others?
I have been learning to live in my truth so I can give others the safe space to live in theirs. And in doing so I am attracting some of the healthiest connections I have ever had.
You see, when I show up authentically I am not draining my energy being everything for everyone. I can set healthy boundaries and keep my cup full. And you can't pour from an empty cup, trust me I've tried, you just wind up draining everyone.
The key is to connect with your authentic self so you can communicate your needs effectively and give others the space to do the same. Simple RESPECT... starting with respecting yourself.