10 More Seconds
"10 more seconds" Cammie cheers me on as my shoulders feel like they are about to collapse and my face planting into the concrete below me with them. My mind tries to tell me it's not safe. To give up before I fall. I have done enough after all. I am ok where I am now why do I want more anyway?
Oh the ways our ego tries to keep us safe. To keep the expansion from happening. Because this is the safety zone. This is the edge of the known. Of the status quo.
But growth happens on the other side of complacency. So what happens if I push myself to hold on for 10 more seconds? What happens if I push just a little harder? What happens if I expand just a little more?
My heart knows we have more gas left in our tank. She knows we can go just a little farther. My brain is just trying to keep me safe. "Expand just a little more" she whispers quietly to him. Asking him to stretch his container to grow just a little larger. To expand a little outside of that comfort zone. Of the known.
My feminine heart loves to challenge my masculine brain every minute of every day. "We can do more. I know we are strong enough. I believe in us. Look at all we have accomplished so far, always together, always progressing, always expanding" she whispers quietly to him.
"Come on, Mae" Cammie calls waking me up from my inner dialogue. "Last one, give it all you got. You got this."
I am grateful for this powerful woman who sees my strength and reminds me of it daily. Sometimes the burden feels really heavy on our own and in those seasons God sends us exactly who we need to share the yolk with us. To make the load a little lighter.
It took many heartbreaks to let this love and help in fully though. It took me being beautifully broken before I could let down the final barrier around my heart that I had put up to keep it safe. The truth is that wall never kept me safe though. It just kept all the love God was trying to send me out. I thought I had to be this big tough guy with no feelings holding everything together but that was just a lie I had picked up somewhere along the journey.
The truth is the pain is a gift. Asking me to break down my walls so that the love that was waiting just on the other side could come in. To let God come in and love me through all of the blessings He was trying to send my way. But that my stubborn self kept pushing away out of fear. Fear of what that love could grow within me. Expand within me.
"Done! Way to go Mae! Look at you go!" Cam is even more excited for me than I am sometimes I smile and think to myself as I release my last 30 second handstand hold of the day.
I love working side by side with this powerful woman. Somehow our joy is doubled, our presence is magnified, our pain feels less because we are sharing the burdens together in this season. As we grow together. Pushing past limits and barriers of fear that no longer have a hold on us. Powering through every obstacle that comes our way. Laughing in the pain because we know it is all part of the process.
We are in the birthing canal of greatness. And it feels just right.